Red Shoes

I can't find my little red shoes. I looked all over this morning and couldn't find them. Mom gave me these shoes for being supportive when her mother died. They have a special place in my heart, I hope I find them soon.

Heart Rant

I was looking forward to this last weekend with great anticipation. After being told that I can't hang out at your place because my dog is "too crazy", I wanted to spend some time with you. Last week I traveled to Denver and back to do focus groups and I was so exhausted from the prep work and the travel that I just wanted to kick back, relax, and enjoy your company. We were planning on taking the boat out on the lake for the weekend. I was hoping you were excited for the weekend too, but...you showed up almost two hours late. I guess laundry and lesson plans took precedence. I understand that we all have stuff that we need to get done, but let me know ahead of time instead of making me wait.

And when I asked if I should bring my bike along, I was asking to see if you were going to bring yours. When you said yes, I loaded my bike on my car by myself which is not an easy task. It involves a step stool and very careful balancing and straining. (I even had between boob sweat) I lift weights for exercises, I don't need to practice loading and unloading my bike. Plus, it always seems like one of my nosey neighbors is out watching me when I try to do these sort of things. Did I mention I am not a graceful person.

What a way to start off the weekend:
I was grumpy
You were grumpy
The dogs were nuts
The dingy line was wrapped in the propeller (somehow my fault)
We lost the dingy
We didn't get to go where we wanted to go (had my heart set on Whiskey Rock)
The waves were crazy
We didn't sleep
I shared my pillow with Monte
We sailed a little
You were more interested in talking to the other boaters than to me
I felt distant and like a third wheel
I practically begged for some action and got totally shut down
We wanted to go for a hike...the dogs rolled in poo so we had to turn back
I finally realized that we have no future together...yes, I know I was a little slow on the up take
For you it is good news because you can always hook up with "someone 10 years younger 5 years from now"...ten years from now I could be a dried up old maid that no man wants (why would he when he can find a girl ten years his junior?)

And then...you say.... "want to hang out Thursday?"

I know this is pessimistic, but I am usually little miss sunshine all the time, so I am entitled to feel this type of bull ever so often. Maybe I want to wallow in a little self pity for a while too. Chances are that I will get over it sooner rather than later. Maybe I am a little nuts, maybe it is the full moon.

The part that hurts the most is that I still want to hang out with you and be with you, but I can see you are drifting farther away.

I know I deserve something...better

What am I doing? I feel like I am chasing the end of the rainbow but we all know there is nothing there. I am so tired of always being the supportive one, the good listener, the good "friend". Where is the romance, the excitement, the love? What looks like a good match on paper is not always a match with the heart.

I really feel like I missed the boat, that I am too old now and it is never going to happen. Am I destined to be an old maid? I wish I could look ahead and just know if that was going to be the path for my life. Then I could just accept my fate and deal with it, instead of always hoping something/someone will come along.

I hate obsessing about this... Why does it seem that everyone around me has someone and I have no one.

3rd Opinion

I got a second opinion on my ankle and received a totally different diagnosis from the first doctor...so....now I am going to get a 3rd opinion. Since I seem to have a bone issue I have decided to go see an orthopedic surgeon. Novel idea, I know. I should have more news on October 8th. I can slowly see my ski season melting away.

I am so sorry

Dear Kona,

I am so sorry for any permanent damage I have done to your self esteem. At the time it seemed like a good idea when I told the groomer to just clip you like a poodle. I promise I will never do it again.

Love,
Mom

Pooped Pup

Yesterday I went hiking with C. It was a great hike; we found huckleberries and an amazing view. The trail had lots of ups and downs which gave me quite a workout (I have been slacking lately). We took our dogs along for the hike. Kona has been giving me a run for my money (I think she is a rebellious teenager) so I decided to make her wear her backpack and carry our snacks and her water. I definitely had one pooped pup on my hands. After we got back from the hike she nestled into the end of the couch and slept for hours. Actually she stayed there all night. This morning when I got up she was still on the couch. She is all curled up and looks really pathetic. Don't worry she did get up and eat and poop. I am thinking maybe she might have overdone it just a bit.

High and Low

He likes me, he says (does he mean it)
Let's be together!
He is empty and hollow inside
He is not ready
Am I really this stupid?