Vote Vote Vote

Okay...so there is a double meaning in that title. I hope that everyone I know (esp. the dems) will get out and vote this election season. But I also hope you will take a minute to vote on the little survey question I have posted to the left. I think is a question we have all asked ourselves at some point in time. Maybe I am grasping for a little ego boost!

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Ever so often I go through a stage when I wonder "what do I want to be when I grow up". For the last eight years or so my answer has been a college professor. So....why am I not going for it? If that is really what I want to be, why am I not taking steps to make that happen. Sure there is the fear of leaving a nice cushy corporate job and taking a pay cut, but really, it isn't like I couldn't rejoin the corporate world if I wanted to. I could always do a few consulting jobs on the side if I wanted to make a little extra cash. So...I have requested some information from schools that offer a PH.D in marketing. Let's see where this leads....

Bigger Connection

Today I had to write one of those emails. The "there are no sparks", "let's just be friends", "there isn't that bigger connection" kind of email. Usually I am on the receiving end of these emails, so it was strange writing one to someone else. After going out with this guy 2 times, I realized two things; 1) I already have found that person that I want to "connect" with at this particular time, 2) I need a break from this whole crazy dating thing.

Even though I know C is not ready for any kind of a commitment and is not in a good place right now, he is still the one that I want to hang out with. The whole time I was out with this other guy I kept thinking "I wish I was doing this with C". I can't change how I feel. So...what's a girl to do? I think I will just chill out and hang out casually with C. Even no commitment, hanging out as "friends" with C is better than faking it with any other guy.

I fear that I will one day get the "bigger connection" email from C. Has this maverick truly ruined all other men for me? I guess time will tell.

Last Night

Last night I had such a great time with C. We took the dogs for a walk and then went sailing. We laughed, joked around, and had a nice relaxing time.

Concerts I Have Seen

Nelson (After the Rain)
Everclear (Sparkle and Fade)
Soul Coughing
Redman
DJ Spooky
Matchbox Twenty (Yourself or Someone Like You) and some horrible act that opened for them, I think I blocked it out.
HoneyHoney
Matt Nathanson
Lifehouse
Leroy Bell
Johnny Lang
Los Lonely Boys
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Jackie Greene
David Gray
Little River Band
Emmy Lou Harris
REO Speedwagon
STYX
Def Leppard
Smokey Robinson with Chic Gamine
Brett Dennen
Donavon Frankenreiter
Richie Furay
Marshall Tucker Band
Pure Prairie League
Chic Gamine
Tracy Lawrence
Chris Cagle
Cheap Trick (3rd row seats)
Heart (3rd row seats)
Journey (3rd row seats)
Shows:
South Pacific
Phantom of the Opera (On Broadway)
Rent (On Broadway)
The Producers (On Broadway)
Varekai (In NYC)

To Mike,

To Mike,

Why can't they both just get over their hang up and realize how amazing we are (you know it's true), fall madly in love, and we could all live happily ever after.

Hugs,
Your ex-roomie

Nice Guys....

What is it about women that makes us want that "bad boy" so desperately. I met a very nice man* the other night, he has followed up with texts, phone calls, and has asked me out on another date (I said yes). So why is it when I get off the phone from having a great conversation with this fellow that I just want to be wrapped up in the arms of C. (Ladies you know the kind of snuggle I am talking about. The one where his arm in the pillow in the crook of your neck and he other arm wraps around so you are in a full spoon/hug cuddle.

I am not saying that C is a "bad boy", actually he is one of the good guys but has the daring edge that is exciting, addictive and oh so hot...(fanning self now). Why am I drawn to the guy with major issues? I know I can't "fix" him. I know he may never develop that "chemistry" with me, but that doesn't stop the desire for a miracle to happen. Are we, as women, somehow wired to try to take care of the bird with the wounded wing?

Geesh, why can't the heart and head be on the same page?

*nice man's name also starts with a C, hmmmm...this could make blogging difficult.

3 Doors Down

Funny how you can listen to songs and sometimes they seem to fit your life perfectly. Here are some quotes from 3 Doors Down that really seem to fit me right now.

"I'm tired and I'm sick of waiting maybe I'll die alone, cause I can't take another damn day of waiting here for you to come."

"You hide behind your walls of maybes and nevers, forgetting that there's something more that just knowing better. Your mistakes do not define you know they tell you who your not. Got to live this life your given like it's the only one you got."

"I think I walked to close to love and now I'm falling in."

"You say, I think I'm better off alone these days."

Kona Lounging

Doesn't she just look like trouble!

Meeting Someone New

Tonight I am meeting someone new. I don't really want to, but EVERYONE keeps telling me it is what I need to do. Last time I didn't listen to what "everyone" was saying I ended up staying in a relationship about 5 years longer than I should have. So, I will go out to dinner, smile, laugh, and try to give him a chance.

I am sure he won't ski like you, kayak like you, hike like you, have a dog like you, make stir fry like you, sail like you, have crab toes like you, make whoopee like you, cuddle up like you, sing like you...but I will try to give him a chance.

Red Shoes

I can't find my little red shoes. I looked all over this morning and couldn't find them. Mom gave me these shoes for being supportive when her mother died. They have a special place in my heart, I hope I find them soon.

Heart Rant

I was looking forward to this last weekend with great anticipation. After being told that I can't hang out at your place because my dog is "too crazy", I wanted to spend some time with you. Last week I traveled to Denver and back to do focus groups and I was so exhausted from the prep work and the travel that I just wanted to kick back, relax, and enjoy your company. We were planning on taking the boat out on the lake for the weekend. I was hoping you were excited for the weekend too, but...you showed up almost two hours late. I guess laundry and lesson plans took precedence. I understand that we all have stuff that we need to get done, but let me know ahead of time instead of making me wait.

And when I asked if I should bring my bike along, I was asking to see if you were going to bring yours. When you said yes, I loaded my bike on my car by myself which is not an easy task. It involves a step stool and very careful balancing and straining. (I even had between boob sweat) I lift weights for exercises, I don't need to practice loading and unloading my bike. Plus, it always seems like one of my nosey neighbors is out watching me when I try to do these sort of things. Did I mention I am not a graceful person.

What a way to start off the weekend:
I was grumpy
You were grumpy
The dogs were nuts
The dingy line was wrapped in the propeller (somehow my fault)
We lost the dingy
We didn't get to go where we wanted to go (had my heart set on Whiskey Rock)
The waves were crazy
We didn't sleep
I shared my pillow with Monte
We sailed a little
You were more interested in talking to the other boaters than to me
I felt distant and like a third wheel
I practically begged for some action and got totally shut down
We wanted to go for a hike...the dogs rolled in poo so we had to turn back
I finally realized that we have no future together...yes, I know I was a little slow on the up take
For you it is good news because you can always hook up with "someone 10 years younger 5 years from now"...ten years from now I could be a dried up old maid that no man wants (why would he when he can find a girl ten years his junior?)

And then...you say.... "want to hang out Thursday?"

I know this is pessimistic, but I am usually little miss sunshine all the time, so I am entitled to feel this type of bull ever so often. Maybe I want to wallow in a little self pity for a while too. Chances are that I will get over it sooner rather than later. Maybe I am a little nuts, maybe it is the full moon.

The part that hurts the most is that I still want to hang out with you and be with you, but I can see you are drifting farther away.

I know I deserve something...better

What am I doing? I feel like I am chasing the end of the rainbow but we all know there is nothing there. I am so tired of always being the supportive one, the good listener, the good "friend". Where is the romance, the excitement, the love? What looks like a good match on paper is not always a match with the heart.

I really feel like I missed the boat, that I am too old now and it is never going to happen. Am I destined to be an old maid? I wish I could look ahead and just know if that was going to be the path for my life. Then I could just accept my fate and deal with it, instead of always hoping something/someone will come along.

I hate obsessing about this... Why does it seem that everyone around me has someone and I have no one.

3rd Opinion

I got a second opinion on my ankle and received a totally different diagnosis from the first doctor...so....now I am going to get a 3rd opinion. Since I seem to have a bone issue I have decided to go see an orthopedic surgeon. Novel idea, I know. I should have more news on October 8th. I can slowly see my ski season melting away.

I am so sorry

Dear Kona,

I am so sorry for any permanent damage I have done to your self esteem. At the time it seemed like a good idea when I told the groomer to just clip you like a poodle. I promise I will never do it again.

Love,
Mom

Pooped Pup

Yesterday I went hiking with C. It was a great hike; we found huckleberries and an amazing view. The trail had lots of ups and downs which gave me quite a workout (I have been slacking lately). We took our dogs along for the hike. Kona has been giving me a run for my money (I think she is a rebellious teenager) so I decided to make her wear her backpack and carry our snacks and her water. I definitely had one pooped pup on my hands. After we got back from the hike she nestled into the end of the couch and slept for hours. Actually she stayed there all night. This morning when I got up she was still on the couch. She is all curled up and looks really pathetic. Don't worry she did get up and eat and poop. I am thinking maybe she might have overdone it just a bit.

High and Low

He likes me, he says (does he mean it)
Let's be together!
He is empty and hollow inside
He is not ready
Am I really this stupid?