Heart Rant

I was looking forward to this last weekend with great anticipation. After being told that I can't hang out at your place because my dog is "too crazy", I wanted to spend some time with you. Last week I traveled to Denver and back to do focus groups and I was so exhausted from the prep work and the travel that I just wanted to kick back, relax, and enjoy your company. We were planning on taking the boat out on the lake for the weekend. I was hoping you were excited for the weekend too, but...you showed up almost two hours late. I guess laundry and lesson plans took precedence. I understand that we all have stuff that we need to get done, but let me know ahead of time instead of making me wait.

And when I asked if I should bring my bike along, I was asking to see if you were going to bring yours. When you said yes, I loaded my bike on my car by myself which is not an easy task. It involves a step stool and very careful balancing and straining. (I even had between boob sweat) I lift weights for exercises, I don't need to practice loading and unloading my bike. Plus, it always seems like one of my nosey neighbors is out watching me when I try to do these sort of things. Did I mention I am not a graceful person.

What a way to start off the weekend:
I was grumpy
You were grumpy
The dogs were nuts
The dingy line was wrapped in the propeller (somehow my fault)
We lost the dingy
We didn't get to go where we wanted to go (had my heart set on Whiskey Rock)
The waves were crazy
We didn't sleep
I shared my pillow with Monte
We sailed a little
You were more interested in talking to the other boaters than to me
I felt distant and like a third wheel
I practically begged for some action and got totally shut down
We wanted to go for a hike...the dogs rolled in poo so we had to turn back
I finally realized that we have no future together...yes, I know I was a little slow on the up take
For you it is good news because you can always hook up with "someone 10 years younger 5 years from now"...ten years from now I could be a dried up old maid that no man wants (why would he when he can find a girl ten years his junior?)

And then...you say.... "want to hang out Thursday?"

I know this is pessimistic, but I am usually little miss sunshine all the time, so I am entitled to feel this type of bull ever so often. Maybe I want to wallow in a little self pity for a while too. Chances are that I will get over it sooner rather than later. Maybe I am a little nuts, maybe it is the full moon.

The part that hurts the most is that I still want to hang out with you and be with you, but I can see you are drifting farther away.